Bittersweet Poetry

I want to be there for you when you're at your absolute worst. When things are the worst for you. When you're at your lowest point; but I can't be. I can't be strong for you. You have to do it by yourself. And that hurts.

I was rolling around, in my mind it occured. What if God was a her? Would I treat her the same? Would I still be running game...on her? Would I want her for her mind or her heavenly body? Could I be out running game on someone so Godly? If I was with her would I still be wanting my ex? The lies, the greed, the weed, the sex. Ride with her because I know for me, she'd die. Through good and bad call on her like I'm chirping her. Couldn't be jealous cause other brothers worship her. And this was a test that was bigger than him. Some believe it's the nature that is given to men. She asked, "Why do men always have to stray?" It's hard when your lady don't believe what you say. And what you did in the past, you have to live with today.

Gotta be something for me to write this. I know your heart is weathered by what life did to you. I'm not gonna front, cause I did it too. At times when I'm lost I try to find you.

Are you listening now? Did I get your attention undivided? Because you used to be undecided. That's alright girl, whatever you say. I used to play the background. You know clean cut, soft spoken, well dressed, dipped out, straight chilling when I'm in the club, yo. Sipping on a sprite with the ill lemon mixed in it, sippin on it I was just chilling til' I saw you. That when my heart stopped; knees gave; head sweating; jaws locked; I was sweating you like gaw dang girl. You got a n' going buckwild, mesmerized, starstruck.

I came back to let you know. I've got a thing for you and I can't LET GO. My friends wonder what is wrong with me. But I'm in a daze from your love you see. I came back to let you know, I've got a thing for you and I can't let go. Some people go around the world for love, but they may never find what they dream of. What you won't do for love? When you've tried everything but you don't give up. In my world only you made me do for love what I would not do.

And I don't need no hook for this hit.

The sun aint the only thing that's shining...but it's peaking through the venetian blinds. I've got a question. I mean real bad girl, I'm talking rougher than rough. Do you think it'd be enough if we just had us? Don't answer quick, think about it, cause I'm asking for real. We could deal with whatever together? Sunshine or that other weather? A buckwild endeavor it seems. Am I pursuing something real or just chasing a dream? Now as a man, there's certain things I'm lacking for sure, but I'm commited to growing and coming at you mature. And in the future, I know it aint gonna be all good, but when we're feeling the hurt if we're willing to work the 8 ball will never turn and see us behind. Oh I aint no knight and my armor don't shine. Now you would think after all my heartbreak I'd be cruel; hiding behind my ego; evil. I don't have a good end to that segment.

You should be here with me. Girl, I wish you were here. You calling me. Me calling you. But nothing even matters at all. Your love makes me feel ten feet tall. Without it I go through withdrawals. You're part of my identity. Sometimes I have a tendency to look at you religiously cause nothing even matters to me. Nothing even matters no more. You're just to good to be true. There are no words left to speak. You're just to good to be true.

There's something about this girl...But when I finally found the words to say...it just won't stay. You can lie to yourself and say that it isn't. It hurts when it comes to your attention. Yes sir. That's her. But it wasn't like that back when I met her. Your friends don't like n's like me. You say no like you've been doing it for eons. When it rains, it pours. I guess I played games. I'm not trying to justify. I'm in trouble, ma, and I should pray about speed. But if this is about you, what's that say about me? It's really weird cause a n' got love. Now it is what it is. And it WAS not was. But when I finally found the words to say, you want to run away. You can try to run and hide, it won't make a difference. Sure it hurt when it came to your attention. I know that I'm carryng on. I call you for real because you're the truth. Truth be told, you through me for a loop, this Joe. I'm too old to be fronting what I'm feeling. Denzeling.

Yesterday I was half the man you see. That's because you're the other half of me. You deserve a verse from me. Fourth of July. That's when I heard murder. I'm killing you and filling you with sorrow. Sunrise, goodbye's and missing you tomorrow's. I turn and see my dream, love supreme, meanest thing on the scene cry. The dame who's the username to all my passwords. So let's keep it real. I know it's like war to you. I revoked my membership. Even when its up and down like seesaw, surely we can start from scracth like D4 when you say you're not my baby like Maury. We're as heavy as an elephant aren't we?

There's so many ways I could approach you. I'll be honest with you. I aint into playing games. I rock fitted caps. I eat red meat cause tofu don't move me. I'm trying to get next to you. You're shooting down fools. So tell me what the f___ I'm supposed to do? Tell me what I'm supposed to do. Let me know what I'm supposed to do. I could probably make you laugh when you're in a bad mood. I would give you my digits but your phone's not accepting my phone calls.

How long, How long have you been away. How long? I can't find the words to say. I've got your picture on my shelf. Only there to remind myself. I have always cared for you. Do you still love me? Oh, my flame. I still hold your vision in my mind. Will I ever make you see? Maybe we can compromise? I'm going back to a time when I know everything was straighter. I don't need no clothes, I'll go in just what I'm wearing. Matter of fact I'll just go back to what I used to wear then. I can dream. No matter how bad my life is, I still got love, no matter mad you were.

Silly fool. Long days nowhere to go. And no other slimmie will do. You're just like honey, so you got me like winnie the pooh. Let you chill with the crew. Only backwards will do. And you know how to roll. You're my dreamlover so I can't let go. Hell no. Don't know what to say and I don't know what to do. Cause you do something to me. There aint noone else. And I usually be on my s___. Harlem shaking these groupies off me quick. But this time it's diff. I never thought I'd hear that lyric like that. Maybe it was all a dream? Born sinner? The opposite of a winner? If you don't know now you know? You know very well who I am. Now I'm writing letters cause I miss you. Considered a fool. Super Nintendo, Nintendo, I couldn't picture this. And you loved to show me off of course. You know very well who I am.

Concieve true deception multiplied a million fold. The resident evil specialize in misconstruing. Fooling myself, clowning myself, playing you by not being myself. Recongnize this mind on the reality of horror known as mankind. The devil says the end is the beginning. My memories of yesterday. Told the truth to get what I want, but shot it with no shame. Something's got to change. Laughter and happiness comes from teardrops to rain. Like soap is to lather, we come clean. Some issues need to be addressed like envelopes I mean. Sores that were open wounds eventually turn to scabs. You're so-phisticated. And now I'm talking like a baby. Baby talk. Like ga ga and goo goo. Oh my my. That's just you. But now I've got so far to go. I want to get closer to you. Because you're my lady. And you've got that gangster love. I know it's too late, but a change had to come. It's been a long time coming, but a change is gonna come. Right now it's too hard living, but I'm afraid to die. They say go to the movies or go downtown, but I don't want to hang around. Then I go to my brother and I say, "Brother, help me please." And I get knocked down on my knees. Change will come. Yes it will.

Then it hits me again. You give me something that makes me scared alright. We should end up nothing. But I'm willing to give it a try. Please give me something. I've never bought you flowers cause I can't work out what they mean. I never thought that I'd love someone that's my dream. But it might be a second too late. The words that I could never say are gonna come out anyway. Your love is a one in a million. And much more is what we've got in store? Turn me inside out and make my heart speak. Personality and everything you do makes me love everything about you. I'll do anything, I'm sorry. I KNOW. But I can't make water into wine. But I can try. They're not there when you love me, hold me and take care. What we have is much more than they can see. You can plainly see the pain I campaign bout. So I get back into my stance.

Whereforth has my glory gone? I'm not sure, but I'll find it. My spirit is strained and I'm limited to change. The faces of the guilty where innocence is proclaimed are filthy. Truth is limitless in its range. If you drop a T and look at it in reverse it could HURT. What starts in clouded minds ends up in the rain. My mind's weary, all the adrenaline and the drain 'cause the wrecking ball is dissassembling things.

Relationship death is like cancer.

Makes no sense, I know crazy. No looking back. I'd rather see you smiling. I shouldn't have done it. I shoulda reconsidered. I did you dirty. Keep your heart. I know you're smart. But guess what. I can't breathe with no air. That is not a song lyric. I'm talking about you. You, you, you, you, you. But I know when you look at me, you see me with the "deer in the headlights" look. Damn my eyes. It's real. I've got to wake up just to know I was sleep. So now I live the life of a loner. My life consists of a big puzzle that's mixed up. S__ what, the s___ sucks. I need to find another road to follow. One that's new and strong not old and hollow. Listen to some old Aaliyah. This s__ is crazy. And a tear comes trembling down. You've never seen a man cry? Well you're witnessing now. This aint game from the heart, this is pain from the heart. This for you dame it came from the heart. I got to get it together I was falling off. "Mami I just want you to know, I'm in love with you so, if you wasn't here I'd be in love with your soul." But you told me I'm dead. So here I sit daydreaming and I'm thinking of you.

You wanna know how I feel? Just like that. Just like that. ^^^

Man I could be mad about a whole lot of s___, but at the end of the day I'm still here. Just know that I do not quit man, through whatever. Ever. I'm still here baby. Another morning, as the night fades away. Another warning not to waste all our days. I know it sounds like an ending. This is a beginning. The wheels keep spinning on a brand new thought. Goals reaarange. Your morals get flushed. Values get crushed and we no longer trust what got us here in the first place. For me it only takes one case. The verdicts been read. These words' been said. It's plenty of people left that's believing in them. That's why I can't do the s___ I used to do no more. Had to get back to me. Get back to mine. That's real words from a true heart.

You can take it as an old ending or a new start.